Saturday, February 17, 2007

I have turned in my resignation!!

I have turned in my resignation. It read something like this:

Dear Boardmembers of the Clean Plate Club;

I am hereby resigning my position in your club. It has been a pleasure to have been a member for these past 32 years, however the Club is going down a path that I no longer believe in, and thus I do not feel I can fully contribute any longer.

I do not believe that the starving children in (insert country here) will care whether my plate is empty, and since I have no way of sending the food to them, it is a moot point.

I do not believe that I won't grow big and strong if I don't clean my plate. In point of fact, as a result of constantly cleaning my plate, I have grown far bigger than I needed to, and not nearly strong enough.

I also no longer believe that I am required to completely fill my plate at buffets and return for more several times.

Also, I have noticed that the size of your plates have increased over the years. You told me that since I was a big girl, I could eat off an adult-sized plate now, but I realize now that that is just a ploy used to help me eat more. I am definitely a big girl now, thanks.

In fact, over the past few months, I have realized that being a member of the Clean Plate Club has been detrimental to my health and well-being. I don't think you meant to be, but it just sort of happened. In fact, it happened around the time "portions" and "veggies" and "you are what you eat" were banned from the Club. You may want to re-think that rule.

Again, I want to thank you for the last 32 years. The last few months have taught me what not to do, and as such, again, I no longer feel I can be a contributing member of your Club. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. Following is my new mailing address:

c/o Healthy Living Club

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