Sunday, January 10, 2010

Feeling overwhelmed.

So today was a day of trying to get stuff done and feeling overwhelmed. Now, all I wanted/needed to get done today was digging out the trailer and the front porch and burning cardboard. Simple enough, right?

Except that there is about a 6 foot snowpile in front of the trailer. (No complaints, because it was from 2 people being nice enough to clear my driveway for me and I am VERY grateful for that!) I need to clear about a 5 foot wide space is all. And I got a good start on it, I did. I just feel like I should have gotten more done. (It's around 6 feet tall and maybe...5 feet deep? I'm not even sure.) I got about 3 feet by 2 feet cleared. Then I thought I would attack the front porch for a bit. Surely that will be easier and thus give me a sense of satisfaction, right? Well, you can now walk up 2 of the 3 steps (bottom one is still buried) and to the door. Can't open the door. Oh, and you can't get from the driveway to the steps yet because of the snow. You can, but it's a pain. And I really want at least to be able to get the door open and get the piano out the front door. And some of the wider furniture (couch, chairs, etc.).

Soooo.....while my son and I did get the burning I wanted to get done done, and I did get some snow clearing done, I just felt very inadequate to the task of moving without help. I do have a friend who graciously offered to help me move when she is up here for a few days and I may take her up on that. We'll see.

My biggest concern is getting stuff out of the house. With all the snow drifts, it's going to be really difficult to not use the front door. If I can somehow manage a UHaul, I can back up close enough that the ramp would extend to the front porch and that would make things much, much easier. And with the time closing in (19 days now to closing), it may be I need to load it all up over 1 weekend and move it. Scary!!

I'm also trying not to leave any bills behind, but I'm so far behind on water it's not even funny. The electric will be covered by LIEAP once they get my application processed. Again, pah on me for waiting to turn it in. I figured I'd have been moved way before this. But, will the electric company let me switch if it hasn't been paid yet? I dunno. I'll find out, I guess.

So now I'm trying to focus on what I DID get accomplished:
1. I got a good chunk of snowpile moved.
2. Son and I got all the burning of cardboard done.
3. I got a good start on the front porch.
4. I got towels washed.
5. I've looked at options for renting a truck.

That snowpile is a lot for 1-2 people to move with snowshovels. We'll keep pegging away at it this week, though. The forecast is for mid-20s to 30s so we can peg away a little at a time. The front porch still has 2 feet of snow on it in some areas, so the same thing there. I won't push myself because if I hurt myself...well, then I'm really screwed. :-)

The next challenge is, believe it or not, finding a place yet! The landlady's last chance is tomorrow to either give me 5 minutes of her time to give me what I need to know (availability date, deposit, rent, etc.), give me that info on the duplex that is/was open, or to watch me start calling others. I like this house, it's cute on the outside. The location is perfect. But. I have 19 days. **19 days** THAT is scaring the bejeebers out of me.

And then, as always, the finance side of it. That's just going to have to work itself out somehow. I will have around $1000 after the sale of the house, but I need it before then, in actuality. So we'll have to see what happens there. More phone calls.

I know it will all work out. Today I let the situation get the upper hand and I let it get to me. BUT it has not knocked me down. Until I am sleeping in the minivan, I am doing just fine. And my boss won't let that happen. She's already offered the 2 rooms upstairs if necessary. I will just hope it doesn't become necessary. :-)

Friday, January 01, 2010

2010 - The Year The Good Comes Back Again

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Wow, it is so hard to believe I haven't posted in 2 months. While I never make resolutions, I do hope I can fix that a bit and post more often.

2009 was a rough year. Not only for me, but for the entire world it seems like. But it ended with some positive changes. My house sold and I only had to come down 6% from the listing price. We close January 29 and so I have a lot of work to do this month. I have been talking to a landlady and hopefully can get moved into a house or a duplex she has available soon. She is okay with the critters which is a bonus. The hard part is coming up with the money for deposit etc etc but we'll see how things go.

I am still working for the ALA and really enjoying it. I do need to find something else as part-time just doesn't cut it. But I will find something else part-time for now because I really enjoy working for her and I am nowhere near ready to give that up! I do still do some transcription from time to time and am hoping to build that up considerably this year.

No word on the car incident so we're going with "no news is good news." Hopefully he was able to bring his grades up to passing so he can graduate on time. He's been really good these past few months as far as limited attitude and stepping up to the plate around the house.

As for me, it's been interesting. I learned a lot about myself this past year and went through a lot more than I thought I could and still come out smiling. That is not to say I'm not still struggling with my emotions and mental well-being. But I am struggling less, if that makes sense? I've developed more of a "let it ride" attitude and I am definitely fretting less. I made some new friends and found I can survive finding out one of those new friends can go from being the best thing to happen to me to being an absolute (censored). I guess I never will understand how people can do that. The hard part is that this person is really intertwined with another friend I made and so I am struggling mightily to separate the two. Ultimately, I'm not sure I'll be able to, but time will tell. It always does. *smile*

Things I learned in 2009:

**Cooking over a campfire.
**Catfish fishing.

**Using a spinning reel vs a casting reel.
**How to clean a fish.

**How to knit.

**That I can really make Christmas gifts for 7 people and birthday gifts for 2 and spend less than $20 all told busing what I have in my craft stash.

**That the holidays are about family and no one cared that I didn't have gifts for all the little ones.

**That it really is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

**That it is perfectly okay to have a good cry when you need to. Not only that, but it is normal.

**That I am awesome and I am full of win.

**That I am passionate.

Things I will work on in 2010:

**More knitting, gaining more skills.

**Learning to tat.

**Work on that learning Norwegian!

**More downtime, away from phones and computers.

**Working on myself, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

**Try to see the extended family more often.

**Continue to declutter my life. Not only material items, but people and other negativity.

Things already in motion that put 2010 off to a good start:

**I'm moving to a new home.

**I have a wonderful job I enjoy.

**I have made new friends who are a positive influence.

**I have long-term friends who tell it like it is and then let me cry when I realize they're right.

**I'm going skydiving for my birthday!!

I'm going to close this with an email I got awhile back:

Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'

The daughter replied, 'Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.'

They kissed and the daughter left. The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'.

'I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral,' he said.

'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'

He began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone..' He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.' Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good- bye.

He then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them.

emoticonTo all my friends and loved ones...I wish you enough.