Today's "Why I Wanted To Kill My Child" post...

Well, not literally, of course.

He did a fairish job of cleaning the sidewalks. Still some work to be done but there's still 2-3" of solid freaking ice that not even my bricking hammer will break, so it will take some time. He's been good about helping around the house lately. He asked if he could go to visit his girlfriend (she stays with her Nana here in town most weekends). I said yes, text me when you get there and you may stay for 1 hour and text me when you are leaving. He got there at 336.

445 no text that he has left. I send him a blank text. No reply. I send a "??" text. No reply. I call. Twice. No answer. I send a "?!?!?!" I get a "Woah we fell asleep in front of the fireplace, sorry" text. I said you better get your ass home. He said he was leaving. 10 minutes later (and it only takes 15 to walk there) I get a "Can I stay for supper?" text. I reply NO. "Why?" Because you are STILL there 10 minutes AFTER you said you were leaving. "Please, Mom. I'll bake those cookies and they will be all for you and I'll make you whatever you want for supper." I'm pretty angry at this point and I told him "OK but ONLY because it will give me time to cool down and NOT kill you when you come home." To which I will give him credit for texting back to clarify I meant yes. This was about 615 I think. At 715 I sent a text when he was planning on coming home. He replied he was almost done eating. At 818 I sent again "when are you planning on coming home?" No reply. Blank text. No reply. 835 at this point. I try calling. First time rings the standard million times before it went to the "unavailable message" (no voicemail). I must have called repeatedly for 5-10 minutes, always going to that unavailable message after the 2nd or 1st ring. Now I'm beyond livid at this point. At 850 he walks in the freaking door. His phone had begun to act up so he couldn't send a text (and it was acting flakey when he showed me). But he immediately cops an attitude and does the "oh drama fine you're pissed and saying never again so I'll just break up with my girlfriend and I'm so stupid and I'm feeling worthless" shit.

All of which I IMMEDIATELY called bullshit on. Yes, I said never again but you know that I never follow through because that's just too mean. No way did I say break up with her. No where did I say you were stupid. FURTHERMORE - You are not stupid. You sometimes act/speak without thinking but that's kind of par for the course of being a teen. And if I thought you were worthless, I wouldn't care that you were ignoring me/not answering. I wouldn't be worried about you. I wouldn't be wondering if, since it's now dark out, you'd been hit by a car on the way home. But you are grounded until some of this lost ground in trust has been regained.

Kids. Gotta love 'em. Right? :-)

--
Heather
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ............"WOW--What a Ride!!!"
--Author unknown

Stinkin' Snow

OK, so it really is beautiful snow. I'm just tired of it. And the cold. Can we do something about the cold please? Ah well.

I did find out that the house did not sell after all. I am seriously ticked off about this, but what can you do? They did have another showing earlier this week so who knows what the future will bring? I don't feel that the realtors were working in my best interest but I have such limited knowledge of real estate law I'm not sure. The whole experience has left me jaded against owning a home again, however.

I am still walking to work 4 days a week, although this week I did drive yesterday due to air temps being 13 below zero and I wanted to get groceries after work anyway. I'll make up for it Saturday by walking to the post office (my usual route is home - work - post office - home for a total of 14 blocks).

The dog is having some difficulties with the changes and so she has a bit of an upset digestive system. Yuck. But she'll get settled soon enough. Part of it is having to mix dog foods and she just doesn't agree with some of the less expensive brands. But this too shall pass. Poor girl. In the meantime she's so disappointed in herself.

Last night we tried avocado-goatcheese-peppered bacon sandwiches with creamy tomato basil soup and it was really good! Not something I could eat a lot of, but it was nummy!! I'm going to try to get back to logging what I eat (since I realized I was not getting in enough calories) and my exercise and see how it goes.

Moved and mostly settled...

For the record, it is entirely possible for a 17-year-old boy and his 35-year-old mother to move an entire house on their own. Including a large corner desk (that comes apart but is a HUGE pain) and the piano. We did have some help that day, however.

January 16th we went to look at a house that was being vacated that weekend. Monday I agreed to clean it in exchange for part of the deposit. I explained my situation: House sold, closing date was the 29th, I was unable to rehome my pets and could not fathom putting them out in the cold and worst of all, no money.

This landlord, oh my. He let me clean in exchange for part of the deposit, as I said. He is also keeping the water in his name until I can get the $100 deposit to switch it over into my name (and, of course, I will reimburse them the billing in the meantime). And when I had to tell them the closing has been pushed off, they were fine with it (he and his wife) since I paid the full February rent.

So we started off just coming in daily and cleaning and leaving a few boxes. Then we moved in air mattresses and such on the 25th, leaving the cats at the old house. We originally planned on renting a UHaul on that day, but the weather was nasty cold so we pushed it off to the 27th. THEN I got an email from the Realtor saying that financing is being tricky due to the repairs needed, could we please push closing to February 19th. Ummm...rent is $500, house payment is $300, I make $603 net. That ain't going to happen! I told him at the LATEST the 12th, preferably the 5th. As of today, we still have not closed and we may not. The appraisal, done on the 2nd, shows that with the repairs, it will appraise at $30,000. The buyer needs roughly $5000 more than that to complete the repairs. So if he can't come up with a "gift" of $5,000 or the bank can't come up with another financing option, the sale is off. Almost a full week after closing. Nice, yes? I *might* be okay as I filed my taxes and hopefully that return will hit on Friday...we'll see. Not holding my breath, though.

Anyway...because I knew closing wouldn't happen until the 5th at the earliest, I pushed off the Uhaul again to the 30th. But it was going to be out-of-state and even though they offered me a 26-foot at the same rate as the 17-foot I had requested, I ended up rescheduling and moving it all on the 28th. What a pickle that turned into!! (BTW, the 17-foot truck barely barely fit, no way a 26-footer would have!!)

So, I excused my son again from school and we picked the truck up at 730. I have to admit, I loved driving it. I really think I might become a truck driver after my son graduates! lol We got down there and there was just no way I could get the truck backed up to the front door without it getting stuck. (Did I mention we got a lot of snow in all this as well!) So I backed it up to the back door. And we tried to move the piano. Not happening. The right rear caster is seized which makes it harder yet to move. And I just could not justify hurting ourselves to go down 3 steps. I became distraught thinking that, after 25 years, I was going to have to give it up. I sent out a text to my friends and one who lives in another state managed to pull off a miracle. She called a friend with a tractor who agreed to see if he could come after dinner to clear out the driveway for me. (He and his family were moving cattle that day, so no promises but I was grateful even for the thought!!) Well, turns out he couldn't so he called up a friend who came and did it! My son and I still had to push it across some ice on the front porch which naturally crushed under the weight, but we got that piano loaded!!

We loaded up the rest of the truck, get to the new house, and lo I can't get a good approach to the front door for the piano. Cue wonderful #2. I called my boss who had offered up her son's help and he was nice enough to come over and help. We had to take it across the ramp, make a 45-degree turn and go up one stair to get it in. He not only helped (and it took all 3 of us!!) with the piano, he helped with everything else as well!! I am feeling very blessed right now.

In all this, I lost 8 pounds as of Friday (official weigh-in is tomorrow). I'm wearing jeans I didn't think I'd be in. I'm 26 pounds away from skydiving!! And I've undergone a serious mental shift about myself.

The previous tenants here left some clothes behind in the basement. Leopard print satin caught my eye and it turns out there were 3 nightgowns in my size...a leopardprint one, a black one and an amethyst one. After following some methods for ensuring no "critters" were attached (sealed in plastic, left to freeze for a few nights, then washed in hot water), I tried them on. Not only do they fit, they look WONDERFUL on me!! I caught myself thinking I looked good a couple of times in those. But I also feel a lot more...well, I'm VERY proud of what my son and I have accomplished with moving. And that I have come almost all the way through this rough patch. I also tend to think more positively than I used to. Yes, things are rough yet with the sale of the house, but they'll work out. So far something has worked out for me whenever I've needed it.

I'm smiling a lot more. I'm even making eye contact with strangers (read: handsome gentlemen) more than usual. One of the nicest things about my new home is that I can walk 3-1/2 blocks to work, 4 blocks to the post office and home again - almost a mile and a half every day! I plan on getting a pair of rain boots to wear as well. I have a rain coat and I might get an umbrella. Mine has gotten lost somewhere.

While people have been telling me for a long time now that I am attractive, smart, strong and that I will get through this...it is now sinking in and taking effect. THAT is the profound mental change that I've made these past few weeks - I do believe my high school inner cocky ass bitch is here to stay.